2010

It's that time of the year again, when I get all contemplative and reflect back on the year that's coming to an end. I had started 2010 with a sense of foreboding. I hated the uncertainty that the year brought with it, and not knowing how it would pan out. As it turns out, I had every reason to feel scared. The year has been a particularly difficult one for both me and my family, and one that I will come to see as a time in my life where I learnt to never take anything for granted.

The year started off with not knowing if I’d have a job by the end of my internship, but I eventually managed to get a job offer literally hours before I left Germany. It wasn’t my dream job, but it was something I could do, while I got my foot into the company as a permanent headcount. I went home for three months after that. The first month was great, but the second one was boring as I impatiently waited for my work permit, and hoping I’d be out of Bangladesh and heading right back into work in no time. By the end of the second month, something awful happened to my parents, and I began to question whether I was making the right decision in moving away from home. My parents are getting older…perhaps I should stay closer to home to look after them? I eventually returned to Germany - a decision encouraged by my parents. But I live with the constant fear of losing my parents, of something awful happening to them while I’m not there…or having to face a day when I realize that I didn’t have enough time with them. I like my life here in Germany, but this is something that haunts me, no matter how hard I try to shut it out.

I’ve been a grounded person for most of my life, but never have I felt the need to take a step back and appreciate life for what it is more than now. I am grateful to have a family that supports me and believes in me, I am grateful for friends that I can rely on for strength, I am grateful for being able to get hired during a difficult time, I am grateful for having a roof over my head and I am grateful for good health.

It wasn’t a perfect year. Moving my whole life to Germany for an indefinite period was both emotionally tiring and physically exhausting. I wanted to be back home in my parents’ house every time I needed to deal with my landlord or the internet installation company or sit through a work meeting being conducted in German completely. But then, it was a year of growing up. Despite these hurdles, I am content. A friend of mine said to me once that he is ‘content and approaching happiness’. I feel likewise, and I suppose that’s all we can ever ask for.